Sunday, January 28, 2007
Peer Pressure? How About Parent Pressure?
When I was planning out my next year's curriculum with my parents, I found myself being pushed to do some classes that I didn't even want to go into for next year. It felt as though someone was force feeding me a horrid new flavor of baby food (lets say "fish guts and bug" mush). Also, at times in our discussion, it felt like I was trying to convince a stone wall to move aside for me. In the end though, I got my parent's permission to do all the classes I wanted to do for next year. I am pretty sure we have all experienced parent pressure before, ranging from the extreme with your parents controlling everything you do, to the mild with your parents just trying to let you know how they feel. I know I have. Besides this incident, my parents have pressured me to do things in the past that I objected to do. Sometimes the things they pressured me to do turned out to be meaningful in experience while others were not as happy and meaningful. Sometimes I learned from or like the things they forced me into, and sometimes I just hated it. One example, is when my dad pressured me to get drum set lessons. At that time in my life (around 7th grade) I thought percussion (band) was moderately boring and a waste of time to practice for. But after my first 3 or so lessons, I started to reanalyze my situation as a percussionist. I started to really listen to music and feel the rhythms and beats. I started to get into playing and listening to the sounds and beats I created. I began to love the drums and from that point on, tried my hardest in becoming not only better as a drum set player, but a percussionist in our school's band and marching band. So as you can see, sometimes parents do know better. As for the times that I hated what they forced me to do...well I think you have some experiences that are similar. Especially if your parents are Japanese or Asian business men and women. The question that encompasses this entire post is: do parents always know whats best for you? My answer is that 75% of the time my parents know what is best for me and 25% they just don't know me enough. These percentages may be different for you, or so you think. Heck maybe even my percentages are off. But I think that most of the times, we should all listen to our parents because they have learned from the mistakes they made over their lifetime, they have lived through many pains, joys, and sadness, and they were also kids like us trying to do their best to fit the shoes their parents gave them. So when, hopefully, I become a parent, I can remember how many times my parents were right about things I should and shouldn't do and teach my kids accordingly.
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6 comments:
You have some good thinking in this post. I agree with you totally! My Chinese parents (and grandma) are really pressure me to do well. But also, their pressure has been pounded into who I am so much that I now pressure myself to succeed more than they do. Who do you find puts more pressure on you? Yourself or your parents?
-Alex Y.
Hmmm... I would have to say my parents now, though back in grade school most of the pressure came from me. High school is an important time for us teens because it opens our way into the world and college. I think parents sometimes over pressure us (teens in high school) because they afraid of us not getting into the best college for us so that we can get into the best jobs. In the end, it just comes down to our parents wanting the best for us, even though sometimes they don't know us as well as they thought they did.
That was a very interesting topic for a post. My question for you is: Do you think the pressure you put on yourself or the pressure your parents put on you is more important? After college, in the "real" world, all the pressure we will have in our lives will come from ourselves. The obligations which will need to be fufilled would be up to us entirely, without anybody reminding us to study for that big math test; or in the "real" world, waking us up for work. I guess what I'm trying to get at is, don't you think that all the pressure should come from yourself and not from your parents, even if they're right 75% of the time?
I think you delved pretty significantly into this topic. For us, it's a fact that our parents want us to excel in school. I think that however, they do know what they are doing. There is a sort of cultural and generational gap however, so you are right about the 25% in which they don't know better. In regards to Asian parents, well, I have them too. Our parents mean well, but I think that we have to stand up occasionally for what we feel is right. If we didn't, we wouldn't have our own point of views, and that would be terrible.
Why do you think your parents put pressure on you? Do you think that they can use their own experiences and try to raise you with those experiences in mind?
Hey~This is Julia from South Korea. You are my partner for this project about cultural nights. I just realized that you are Japanese! I love Japanese singers (Kat-tun and NewS) and dramas. And I go to Japan very often :) It's cool to have you as my partner.
I agree with you that parent pressure is a serious influence to teenagers. Especailly Asian parents are very strict with their children for better education. Most of the times, my parents' advice are really meaningful but sometimes they don't match with me.
Our parents' advice are very helpful, but I think our parents should give us the final option to make our own decisions.
Nice to meet you!
- Julia R.
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